deep breathss.
Friday, December 5, 2008
3 days weekend.
because its Sultan's birthday on Monday.
wouldn't it be special to have a day off for your birthday?
mhmm.
ooh our Semi is cancelled.
fuck shit principal that fucked everything up. -,-
feel bad for StuCo that organized everything, and i feel bad for spending a significant of money for my dress and the ticket. I want my money back, thats 80 fucking ringgit right there.
anyways, there goes my saturday night plan, now ive got nothing to do because no one can take me out. haiiih
note to self?
i realize the that i dont always get what i want and sometimes its good for me.
looking at the people that want more even though they have everything else everyone can possibly want, it sorta made me wonder, how can they ever be satisfied?
the point is, i am satisfied with what i have, my wonderful friends that gives me more than i want, my dysfuctional family whos trying to raise me to be a dedicated and thoughtful person, my fantastic 4 that completes me in every single way possible, i love them.
remembering all the hate i can feel when there's silly little things that say that hurts me, its nothing compared to the joy they have given me. even when i say i dont, i do love them.
ive also learned that no one in this world can love me exactly the way i want them to, and its ok, because no one can meet the "perfect friend" or "perfect boyfriend" category, i think they are perfect as human because of those flaws.
to be perfectly clear i have always needed one person, not 2 not 3. Just one.
after what happened to be a while a ago, ive got to say its like half of my sanity have been taken away by the pain that i had to go through: loving, got hurt, heal, survive. i try my best not to hurt those who actually tried to love me, but it was never the same, it felt like no one can fix me.
logically, how can you give something to someone that wasnt there in the first place? as hard as i try, it wont just suddenly come. Halucinations and momentarily feelings are possible though, as human i cant deny my needs, as a girl i cant deny the fact i might not love someone, the fact that everyone can feel unsure sometimes, and i am sorry, truly, deeply sorry. I feel guilty, there's not one second of my life i spent without regreting the things i have done that might hurt someone else that didnt do anything to me, but to make me happy.
there is a little bit of faith left in me, a little thing that kept on telling me that things can turn around, that there will be someone to proof to me that other person can fill the hole someone else dig out. that is the only thing that get me through the hard days.
Faith. the thing is, the only thing i dont have is the only thing ive never get, satisfaction that i get from what i have, is enough but i wish (not want) i can have that one thing.
i still believe help is on the way
and i'll stay strong because i know you're doing everything you can.
everything will be fine.
If it's a broken part, replace it
But, if it's a broken arm then brace it
If it's a broken heart then face it
And hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
- Jason Mraz -
But, if it's a broken arm then brace it
If it's a broken heart then face it
And hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
- Jason Mraz -
p.s i can never miss you more :[
come homeee.
